pepperony's Blog

your smile just Let the sun shine in ... :D

for the last 15 months I've been in and out of a relation that drained me on every level. There was this girl I met and ever since I met her I knew she would be my wife one day. I don't know how but the moment I saw her face I knew she's the one. so I did my best to get her to notice me and then we became very close friends and then ultimately got into a relation. At first things looked pretty easy, although she had some issues I felt I could help her handle and we'd be over them in no time. The next thing I know is I was spending all my time and energy trying to help her solve these issues. I was trying so hard to help her that I forgot my whole existence I started living her pain her feelings and being part of her literally. we were so close that even if I was miles and miles away I could feel when something was going wrong with her then I would call her only to find out that my feeling was true. and I'm not kidding this happened on a daily basis so it cannot be a coincidence. so went days and weeks but still she was astray not able to solve any of her issues although I showed her every aspect of them and she was consulting someone as well. I spent so much time inside her tryna help her that when I realized that when I wanted to return to my life with my friends I couldn't find my own feelings. I felt alien to myself and by the time I broke up with her I was walking in her shoes literally I felt her even after we broke up and I would ask her friends about her when I felt anxious and they would say she's okay but she wasn't and not long ago I learned she had trouble in her hip/leg joint. amazingly a while ago i felt a little pain in my left leg which then went away. and her injury is in the left leg. I know that one day we will meet again... I guess I'd be over her by then... We'll just wait and see... Nowadays I am trying to detach myself from her and to tune back into my own emotions and my own life ... to be myself in short.